Mesothelioma and I Don't Want to Go

He's dying.
And dying quickly.

Doctors say there is
No cure
Nothing will fix him.

The fibers rooted
Decades ago
And now are shredding his system
Apart.

Mercilessly.

Organ by organ.
All at once.

I could go visit him.
I should go visit him.
Mom says he always liked me,
always asks about me,
Even from the young, lost,
Ambitious graduate I was then.

But he has mesothelioma
And I don't want to go.
I'm afraid to look him in the eye
and know it will be the last time.

I don't wan't to ask dumb, polite, habitual questions ---
"Hi! How are you, Rich?!"
knowing full-well how dry poor he is.

I don't want to pretend hope and
Insult him even further.

And the sickest part of this sick sickness is
He spent his entire life devoted to
medical texts.
He had never married.
Had no children.
His singular ambition was to teach others to heal.

So he knows
exactly, really
How
Hopeless
Is his
Health.

How do you look that in the eye
and smile?

An "Occupational Hazard": Rape in the Military

In 2012, I produced this documentary about sexual assault in the military and in 2013, it was awarded an RFK award for radio journalism.

The Bob Edwards Show presents the premier feature in a series titled “An ‘Occupational Hazard’: Rape in the Military.” One in three of active-duty women serving the U.S. military have reported being the victim of sexual assault while serving, which is double the rate for civilians. Based on estimates from the Department of Defense, 19,000 servicemen and women were sexually assaulted in 2010 and most of those violent acts don’t get reported because in the military, victims are required to report to their chain of command. As such, only eight-percent are brought to justice, either through prosecution or some form of military nonjudicial punishment. Defending themselves in civilian court in 2011, the Pentagon argued that sexual assault is an “occupational hazard” in the military. Throughout today’s program we will hear from servicemen and women about their Military Sexual Trauma, advocates who help treat and raise awareness about the problem, and lawmakers about what is being done.

Listen: http://www.mixcloud.com/bobedwardsshow/an-occupational-hazard-rape-in-the-military/

Read more, updated in 2013: http://www.bobedwardsradio.com/blog/2013/7/31/how-long-will-rape-be-an-occupational-hazard-of-military-ser.html

Stories from Third Med: Surviving a Jungle ER

This radio documentary, "Stories from Third Med: Surviving a Jungle ER," aired for Memorial Day in 2008 and was awarded a Sigma Delta Chi award for best documentary by the Society of Professional Journalists.

The Navy’s Third Medical Battalion was assigned to treat the Marine’s Third Division in the Northernmost part of South Vietnam, closest to enemy territory during one of our nation’s deadliest wars. The battalion treated thousands of men in Vietnam, but those stories have never been recorded for broadcast. As a producer for The Bob Edwards Show, I attended the 40th Anniversary Reunion of the Third Medical Battalion in Charleston, South Carolina on May 2nd and 3rd, 2008 to capture the stories and the spirit of these unsung heroes.

Listen to the radio documentary here: https://soundcloud.com/anpekary/sets/stories-from-third-med

Read more here: http://www.bobedwardsradio.com/thirdmed/.

The Invisible: Children without Homes

In 2007, I produced this radio documentary about homeless children with Bob Edwards.  It won a RTDNA Edward R. Murrow Award for best documentary in 2008.

Say the word “homeless” and it most likely conjures up an image of a bag lady or old man asleep on a park bench. But the fastest growing homeless population in the United States is homeless families. Increasingly, single parents are unable to provide basic necessities for their children – food, shelter, clothing, and medicine. Forty-percent of homeless Americans are homeless families with children. In New York the number of homeless families is at an all time high. In Washington, DC the only emergency shelter for homeless families has been closed, causing hundreds of families to be put on a waiting list for housing. The challenges facing this young group are crippling–often lifelong–and sometimes deadly. Yet as the cost of living increases and the economy tightens, programs for these vulnerable families are being cut. What’s more, these young children of poor, broken families are in turn more likely to be homeless themselves as teens and adults. Homeless kids have more health problems, more learning disabilities, and emotional disorders than other children. That makes it harder for them to learn and do well in school, making it harder to get an education and be self-sufficient. And that makes them more susceptible to homelessness as adults, continuing the cycle of poverty.

Bob Edwards and I spent hours interviewing homeless men, women, teens and children – at shelters, group homes, and on city sidewalks to report their stories. These families told of the financial hardship and violence – verbal, physical, and sexual – that forced them on to the streets, creating even more difficult and dangerous situations. These are stories of survival and hope in a time when solutions are quietly debated. Social workers, advocates for the poor, and government officials generally agree about how best to help that nation’s homeless children:  provide comprehensive services, education assistance, and medical treatment. In this special documentary, Bob Edwards examines whether enough being done to break the cycle for homeless kids.

Listen here: https://soundcloud.com/anpekary/sets/the-invisible

Or read the transcript: http://www.bobedwardsradio.com/storage/The_Invisible.pdf

The clouds above are weak

the clouds above are weak

too thin to wring out a shower

thick enough to block the moon.

too cheap to rain,

they're too stubborn to move.

Puffs in the sky -

a shadow on my day.

you could open up and share

but instead linger

threatening love and thunder.

like gospel without harmony,

you just hover.

Roughed-up lips

Have you ever felt like the spoon

that has been mangled 

in the garbage disposal

but not yet discarded 

as it should have been,

lest it rough-up the lips 

of the 

innocent ingestor 

of otherwise-creamy cherry Greek yogurt?

Glimpses - NYC to Virginiaville

##demolition##

Our big square kitchen with

two sinks and

three doorways

spins

on my head

like a top and the

plates and glasses

fly,

while mom

sits in the den in

the fat leather recliner where

she has been curled up for

three days

crying

since dad told her in front of the psychiatrist

: I don’t love you.

and I haven’t loved you

for years.

He slithers down the back steps, going to

the barn where

his bloodline is

held captive-

stalled up with his stallion and mares and

unbroken baby foals.

The stinking rockdust and manure

attract him

more than mom’s

Estee lauder perfume.

I watch from the steps -- old enough to

wear a bra but

too young to run -- and

I feel the weight of our old house

crack to

pieces

just above my forehead, where my bangs,

sprayed and teased

will do nothing

to cushion the

crash and shock

of splintered wood and

china and

family atop my

young

screaming

body.

My Darling My View 2011