What I Learned in Bikram Yoga

I saw it coming. She had asked to leave the studio a couple of times but the instructor told her to stay on her mat and rest. When the woman behind me finally threw up in the bucket, I think I actually rolled my eyes and thought to myself, “She’s so stupid, she ate before class.” I have seen one person pass out in yoga (and I think she was epileptic), but never anyone get sick.

So I got annoyed. Her problem meant the teacher had to stop class to take her upstairs. There was a break between poses and I could feel my muscles start to tighten up.

There are a few rules which they repeat during each class: stay on your mat, stay in the room. If you can’t do a pose, just sit in the rest position. Don’t drink water or move between poses. It’s distracting to others who are trying to focus. And don’t eat for two to three hours before coming to class.

So when the woman regurgitated her breakfast, I knew she had made a big mistake. And her mistake was cutting into my precious yoga time.

It’s not the first time I felt irritated in yoga class.

Once, the man next to me coughed for the entire 90 minutes. It was a congested, sloppy, gut-wrenching cough and I thought he was rude to spread his germs around the studio. I also thought, the instructor should have asked him to leave. For that matter, I’ve found myself getting peeved with the instructors on other occasions as well. If I’m in “standing bow” pose, don’t prolong my agony by giving another student pointers on how to do it better. If I'm teetering on one leg in that hellhole of a room you better believe I'm counting every second.

Now, to the rule about staying on your mat. You’re supposed to stand with your feet together between poses. If your feet aren’t together, or if you step off of your mat to grab a hand towel, I do notice. The teachers are all pretty good about telling you not to judge yourself: if you fall out of a pose, don't get frustrated -- just try to get back into it as quickly as possible. I think I've improved as far as that goes. As much as I want to improve with each class, I try to smile when I fumble up a pose rather than grimace. But if someone reaches for their water when I’m in backwards half moon pose, I have been quick to judge.

For those not familiar with it, Bikram is very intense – the room is heated to at least 105-degrees (one night it was 124) and for an hour and a half we complete a series of 26 postures that you hold for anywhere between about ten seconds up to a minute. Bikram himself says that he’d rather you have a heart attack during class so you don’t have one later in life. What I hadn't learned until that day is that physical stress isn't the only reason for cardiac arrest.

After class that day, I returned upstairs to change my clothes and the woman was in the lounge recovering while she waited for her daughter. As soon as she saw me, she commented on how impressed she was with the young women. "I don't know how you do it." (Gulp. Guilt set in.) She was so nice and felt no need to apologize. She admitted that she had eaten breakfast complete with coffee before coming to class. (I knew it!) But for once, I didn’t feel any satisfaction in being right that day.

The truth was that I had been wrong. I may have advanced in my moving meditation class to the point where I wouldn't judge myself. But I have failed by judging others: wayward students......frustrating teachers.....a studio that's too hot.....a studio that's too humid.....and beyond: erratic drivers, lackluster co-workers, pushy people in the train station.

That list could go on for infinity. But my reaction to get upset with them is really only a reflection of myself and how I fit into my world, whether it's in the yoga studio or driving down New York Avenue at rush hour. I don't want to go through life with a grimace on my face. One of my instructors once said that yoga is a practice, not an event. You might not achieve exactly what you want the first time round, but just do what you can and get a little bit better each time. So now I've given myself a new mental posture to attain: when someone steps off their mat during a pose or if someone cuts me off in traffic, I will simply look at myself in the mirror and smile. When I can do that, and mean it, that's when I know I've found my yoga.

Post Script: I wrote this piece several weeks ago and was going to publish it the day that Osama bin Laden was killed. It didn't seem appropriate at the time, so I saved it. What that means is that I have had time to practice my new goal -- and would you believe that it is working? I no longer get irritated with other students who do something to distract me during a pose. I don't get mad at teachers for making us hold a pose longer than I think we should be holding it. Instead, I focus on myself, what I can do, and most importantly, what I can control -- and my classes have been much more stress free. (I will admit, though, that I have yet to perfect that "judgement free attitude" while on the road. But I have hope. There has been a slight improvement. I think I actually LET a car or two cut me off last week.)